As my younger brother prepares to turn 40, I thought I would take a moment to hand down some sage advice that I have acquired after two years in the \u201cEnchanted Land of Four Decades:\u201d<\/p>\n

? If you\u2019re going to have a mid-life crisis, make it a cheap one. I\u2019ve been fortunate because my indecisiveness means I\u2019ve never settled on the ideal mid-life crisis for me. And I will probably draw it out until I\u2019m 62, when it will seem silly, absurd and just too time-consuming. But if you\u2019re going to choose one, don\u2019t go the expensive route. You know, crashing Ferraris or anything like that. Just take up drinking milk straight from the carton or diagnosing other people\u2019s illnesses. Much cheaper that way.<\/p>\n

? If people ask your age, don\u2019t get upset. Just politely reply that \u201cit\u2019s none of their (insert curse here) business\u201d and to get away from you because you\u2019re about to have an unmedicated episode. That should solve it pretty quickly.<\/p>\n

? Remember that 40 is only half way to 80. And consequently, 80 is only half way to 160. And if you calculate the square root of 160, it will require going and finding your calculator. By the time you find a calculator, you will have forgotten what you were thinking about in the first place.<\/p>\n

? Remember that turning 40 is not the hard part. No, that\u2019s actually quite easy. The ticking clock does all the work. The hard part is actually BEING 40. You know, a whole decade older. Another year closer to 80, which is only half way to 160, which is \u2026 wait a minute. Where did I put my calculator?<\/p>\n

? Remember that age is all in your mind. Unfortunately, gray hair, aching joints and strange moles that resemble Harry Truman are not. They\u2019re real and scary!<\/p>\n

? Recognize that age alone doesn\u2019t give you wisdom. No, that comes from experience, which is usually code for what you learned from a disastrous and costly mid-life crisis (as covered above.) So go ahead and skip wisdom, too.<\/p>\n

? Turning 40 can sometimes become a time to reflect on all that you have, or haven\u2019t, done. It can make you mourn what you\u2019ve lost \u2014 youth! \u2014 or grow depressed that you\u2019ve failed to accomplish some of your major goals \u2014 like that world record for most peanut butter pretzels consumed while drunk! But never dwell on what you\u2019ve lost, or what you haven\u2019t done. Remember that when you were young, you were also pretty stupid. Proof of that is how you spent all your time dreaming up world records that involved peanut butter pretzels and intoxication.<\/p>\n

? Whatever you do, no matter how much it pains you, don\u2019t turn 40 and start giving sage advice. It\u2019s a great way to make everyone angry. People will think you\u2019re nothing but an old know-it-all who should learn how to wreck expensive Ferraris like responsible, less-annoying 40 year olds. So with that, I say happy birthday and good luck!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As my younger brother prepares to turn 40, I thought I would take a moment to hand down some sage advice that I have acquired after two years in the \u201cEnchanted Land of Four Decades:\u201d ? If you\u2019re going to have a mid-life crisis, make it a cheap one. I\u2019ve been fortunate because my indecisiveness means I\u2019ve never settled on the ideal mid-life crisis for me. And I will probably draw it out until I\u2019m 62, when it will seem silly, absurd and just too time-consuming. But if you\u2019re going to choose one, don\u2019t go the expensive route. You know, crashing Ferraris or anything like that. Just take up drinking milk straight from the carton or diagnosing other people\u2019s illnesses. Much cheaper that way. ? If people ask your age, don\u2019t get upset. Just politely reply that \u201cit\u2019s none of their (insert curse here) business\u201d and to get away from you because you\u2019re about to have an unmedicated episode. That should solve it pretty quickly. ? Remember that 40 is only half way to 80. And consequently, 80 is only half way to 160. And if you calculate the square root of 160, it will require going and finding your calculator. By the time you find a calculator, you will have forgotten what you were thinking about in the first place. ? Remember that turning 40 is not the hard part. No, that\u2019s actually quite easy. The ticking clock does all the work. The hard part is actually BEING 40. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[553,557],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2015-nutshells","category-getting-old-er-older"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1248","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1248"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1248\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1249,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1248\/revisions\/1249"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1248"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1248"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nutshellcity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1248"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}