I almost forgot what it’s like to be a Floridian. What it means to be a Floridian. How brutal our summers can get. When the heat turns on, coating the land and sticking to everything. A mild spring will do that to you. It will make you forget you’re a Floridian and that you live in a super-charged microwave. It will lull you into a Northern vibe. You know, the kind that makes you think pleasant weather and late-in-the-year cold fronts and light jackets are common. But they’re not. This is Florida. The land where citrus pasteurizes itself on the tree. It gets hot. Scald your hindquarters hot!
Vacation on the brain? Time for summer planning tips
It’s that time of year again when I start suffering from a serious case of VOTB: Vacation on the Brain. Actually, such a thing does exist. I looked up “vacation brain” on Urban Dictionary. It defined it as “the 1-2 days before vacation when you can’t get much work done because your brain is already on vacation.” Only, I’m more than a month out from my first trip, and I’m already suffering. I’m busy planning. Busy day-dreaming. Busy thinking of some rest and relaxation and … oh, who am I fooling. Vacations are never restful and relaxing! Most of the time you come back more stressed out and exhausted than before you left.
Searching for greatness … or just surviving Orlando in the summer
Muhammad Ali once said, “I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’” I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about quotes like that. Thinking about how great champions — heroes of the sports world! — pushed themselves to the limits … overcame obstacles … undertook grueling training to climb high atop pedestals of glory. I am on a similar quest. A similar training program that I hope will bring me greatness. It will push my body to the limits. Finely tune me so I’m ready for anything. No, not just anything. Just one thing — my single-minded focus — my Mt. Everest — my championship — MY glory!!!!
Now for some “tips” on surviving a vacation to Orlando
I have met mayhem, and it is called Orlando over Memorial Day weekend. That’s when all the people come out. When the heat turns up. When even ice cream is hot. When the only way to move about a theme park is to body surf atop the crowds. When the roads are lined with people from Wisconsin and Kansas who have forgotten their cars came pre-installed with gas pedals. (They just stop in the middle of four-lane highways!) I took the family to Orlando where we stayed in a resort, visited the Magic Kingdom and drank so much chlorinated pool water that our insides are bleached white. As with all my trips, I learned a lot. So I figured I would share some tips on how to make it back alive. Heed my advice:
Answering the call of the ice cream truck
There I sat, desperately trying to write a column — forcing myself to sit at the desk so I could work my way through some half-baked idea.
But tinkling through the air came a sound — music. A cacophony of bleeps and whistles, frenetic and super-charged.
A merry-go-round on speed.
Summer commeth … and the winter projects still aren’t finished
It happens every year. EVERY doggone year. You think we would be wise to it by now. But we’re not, and don’t realize the error of our ways until the cool spring air starts to fizzle and the inferno that is Florida begins its scorching march across the land.
A Farewell to Summer (even if we still have the heat)
Goodbye, summer. We hardly knew you. How quickly those sun-drenched months came to a close this year. Always seems like there will be so much time — so much FREE time to just settle in, relax and enjoy the slow life. But the slow life isn’t ever slow. And before you know it, it’s gone. It’s September already. September! The doorway to fall. Sure, it’s still 95 degrees outside and your underwear melts to your waist every time you walk outdoors. But September signals it’s over. Kids go back to school. Work gears up again. The streets feel busier and more bustling. People get more serious, more hurried and less relaxed. Vacations are just a distant memory. In September, the light starts to change. Can’t you see it? The sky is bluer and brighter. The shadows linger longer across the land. The sun drops quicker from the sky like it’s late for a dinner party, and the dusk drowns the world in browns and golds.