I’ve come to a grand conclusion — one so profound it shakes the very fabric of society. May I share it with you? It is this: do-it-yourself projects are for fools. Yes, fools! Dummies. Imbeciles. Ignoramuses. People afflicted with a deadly disease that I like to call “manure for brains.” Don’t be offended. No, no. Don’t get so upset. Listen, I’m the king of do-it-yourself. The “King of the Ignoramuses.” My manure is brought in by the truckload.