Last week I was worrying about traveling with two college students to a Society of Professional Journalists conference in Birmingham, Ala. We went to pick up several awards for the college newspaper they work on and that I advise. Certainly it was a proud moment for all of us, and we had a good time. Most importantly, I survived it all. The roof of the Southwest jet we flew didn’t pop open like a convertible, and there was no ill-advised joking in the security line that resulted in a body-cavity search of yours truly.
Hooray for that.
But what I did find is that traveling with college students can be a real eye-opening experience. That while we may come from the same species, we share very few similarities, which made the trip like a surreal sociology study. I sat spellbound on airplane flights, through meals, walking around town, just about everywhere while I listened, watched, and tried to make sense of their unusual customs and mannerisms. I was like a researcher immersed in a strange, foreign land desperate to understand this unknown culture.
So after a weekend away, I thought I would share some of what I learned about the common college student (scientific name: strangeus collegeus.)
• They eat very unusual things. Not all of them. Maybe it’s because as college students, food is so rare. So when they finally get some, they can’t contain themselves. Potato chips on black bean soup? Oh, not the strangest I saw, by far.
I watched at breakfast as the voracious eater in the pair pulled up with the spoils of a hotel breakfast bar, the plastic plate drooping under the weight. He could eat massive quantities of food, yet was relatively thin. Tape worm, I thought?
Regardless, it wasn’t the quantity that got me, but the variety. The plate could have been modern art, or an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records. I expected the volatile mixing of various foods to chemically react and blow up the dining room.
Piled high were eggs covered in salsa and cheese. It neighbored another mountain range of potatoes drowned in ketchup and a heaping of pepper. Precariously placed atop it all were two pieces of French toast with syrup spilling onto the rest. I shuddered at the thought of it — the distinct flavors mixing together … syrup, salsa, ketchup. The next morning a waffle replaced the toast, along with a slurry of walnuts and strawberries.
I stared in amazement as he devoured it all.
• They will look up to you and follow you blindly, even when you have no idea where you’re going. We wandered about trying to find the location of the awards ceremony before I turned around and said, “I think we must have passed it.”
“Yeah,” said one. “It was on that corner about five blocks back.”
“It was?!?” I barked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well,” he said, “you looked like you knew where you were going.”
• While they technically fall several leagues below the poverty line and are chronically short of money, they always mange to scrounge up incredible sums of money for reading material at airports. By my calculations, traveling college students are single-handedly propping up the entire magazine industry.
• They love to make a run for the airplane lavatory just as the jet starts pulling away from the gate. This gives the flight attendants fits. I remember hearing behind me an attendant banging on the bathroom door and telling the person to take their seat immediately. It sounded serious.
“Jeez,” I thought to myself, “what kind of knucklehead goes to the bathroom just as the flight starts …” and then I looked up to see one of my students marching down the aisle.
I slunk deep into my magazine.
• That after everything I said — through all the baffling conversations, the endless tapping on phones, the fascination with the most un-fascinating things — they’re also incredibly intelligent, remarkably interesting, personable, thoughtful, friendly and an absolute joy to travel with. They might seem like strange and curious creatures, these college students. But if you ever find yourself on a trek with one, I’ll assure you this: You’ll never be bored, and you will always have reading material for the plane.