Something just occurred to me recently: There has actually been other news going on in the world besides the election. I just realized this. Did you know? There are, believe it or not, journalists out there writing stories about people and events that don’t have anything to do with Obamas, McCains or electoral colleges. Weird, huh? Apparently no one told them an election was going on, and the world didn’t go on hiatus.
For, I don’t know, the past two years I’ve been like many Americans who were glued — and maybe even addicted — to election coverage. It’s all we read, watched and talked about. It became an obsession.
And then, just like that, it ended. It went away, abandoning our need for 24-hour election coverage. Now we have to find a way to go on without it. But how? Someone show us the way?
It’s been tough adjusting to life after the election. No more polls to check, no more stories to read about the state of the race, and no more guessing about the score of the game after the final whistle.
The political E-mails have all dried up, and it’s back to the former non-sense like videos of dancing cats or people getting hit in their private areas by stray objects. Well, OK, so that’s a little like politics, but still it’s not the same.
Sometimes I go to the computer and just stare at it. What do you do on the Internet when there isn’t an election going on? What’s the point? Should I take up online gambling? Should I send spam? What did we use the Internet for before the election? I think I used to spend a lot of time reading about English soccer, but I can’t be sure. It was so long ago.
Sometimes I get lured in by stories that prey on our cravings, like this one: “Peruvian hairless dog offered to Obama family.” I — no joke — had to freakin’ click on that one. I have no idea why. I picked that over “Five best places to vacation in a recession” and “Jennifer Aniston fires back at Angelina Jolie.” Now I’m ignoring celebrity gossip for a dog that looks like a 102-year-old man who spent his life sunbathing without sunscreen.
I need help.
I’m starting to ease my way back into the regular news, but it’s slow-going. I don’t want to rush it and sprain something. I’m starting with boring stuff to get myself re-acclimated — mainly stories about the bonds market in the Wall Street Journal. Next I read golf stories or what they’re serving for lunch at the seniors’ center.
I will say that this has given me more time to explain the unexplainable quirks of the Internet to my mother. She is still trying to come to terms with basic E-mail skills more than a year after getting her first computer.
A typical conversation:
Mom: I want to send my friend those photos of Amelie. How do I do it?
Me: Well, most people start by opening their E-mail program. That would be my recommendation.
Mom, sounding angry: What!?! Why? That’s ridiculous. I’ve never had to do that before.
Me: Really … So how exactly do you USUALLY send E-mail?
Mom: Oh … I see your point. But you have to admit it doesn’t make sense. Do I have to turn the computer on first?
That can easily wipe out 30 minutes of my life, not to mention kill all desire I had to spend any more time on the Internet. So I turn to the newspaper and try to soothe my post-election hangover with a little light reading about soy bean futures or the latest bridge tournament. I’m hoping in a month or two I might even be able to read a front page again. Maybe I’ll be able to spend copious amounts of time online again viewing mindless dribble that doesn’t hold the fate of the world in the balance. Oh, I can’t wait.