I love the Internet because it is awash with things it thinks we need to live happier, healthier and more productive lives. Plus, it knows the secret to six-pack abs in less than two weeks.
What could be better than that?
And more and more when I hop on the Web, I’m bombarded with all sorts of these challenges, health and fitness tips and advice columns – some legitimate and some questionable – that promise to turn me into better versions of myself … with rockin’ abs!
I’ll take a helping of that, please.
Name your topic or area of need and you’ll find it:
“13 tips to have more willpower.”
“The 7 most important exercises for men over 40.”
“Kettlebell shoulder workouts to explode your conditioning.”
“How to write advice columns with no expertise or first-hand knowledge about what kettlebells are or why you want them to explode your shoulders.”
And they all have seemed to find me recently. Maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for news aggregating apps like Flipboard that corral and curate articles for me. That think they know what I need. And I must need A LOT because stories like these keep finding their way into my orbit.
So, I decided recently that instead of cynically dismissing or maliciously mocking these articles (“How to turn kitchen utensils into a DIY gym.” What? Scrambling eggs is going to give you better biceps?!? HAHAHAHA!) I thought I might try a few to see if they actually do anything for me.
Nothing crazy, mind you. I’m not going to start doing questionable stuff that might affect my health in a negative way. I’m steering away from the ones that mention weights (I can barely lift anything over 5 pounds), supplements of any kind (beer is working quite well for me, thank you), or mystic crystals or cryptocurrencies. (Both of those seem far too legitimate – like science has already proven their benefits to society.)
But that still leaves plenty of other options for me to try, which I think I’m going to start doing over the Christmas break.
For instance, I read an article on Medicalnewstoday.com about a study that says staring at a red light for only 3 minutes in the morning could potentially improve your vision. This sounds great to me. I am getting up there in years, my vision isn’t what it used to be and going to the eye doctor means physically picking up a phone and making a call, which sounds excruciatingly hard and labor-intensive.
This study out of the University College London seems perfect for me. And all I need is a red light. Although, that presents its own set of problems. The only two options I can come up with are staring at the power light of the DVD player (which requires far too much hunching over for my tastes) or putting a concrete block on the brake pedal of my car and staring at the taillights in my driveway. Sure, I’m going to make the neighbors think I’ve gone completely insane, but in a couple of weeks, I’ll probably be able to see them again.
Another one I think I will try was headlined, “10 Minutes. 6 Stretches. 1 Routine That’ll Make Your Body Feel Brand New.” I could go for that! It was on a Web site called clearskinregime.com, which doesn’t sound like the best place to get stretching advice, but the headline’s promise certainly made an impression on me.
Only problem is: I hate stretching.
I’m a life-long runner who once received a religious exemption in high school to get out of doing stretches for track practice. Stretching always seemed like a waste of time. Have you ever seen a cheetah stretch before it chases down a gazelle? Of course not. So, why should I?
Besides, I’m impatient, I’m always in a rush and I personally like the way my hamstring feels when it seems to come unattached at the knee. Plus, I have the limberness of a 2X4. Why do something that you’re bad at and hurts like you’re being hit by a wet fish when you can hit the road without a care in the world whether your Achilles comes with you or not.
But “feeling brand new?!?” Well, that’s a whole new ball game, and if a few common and simple stretches will do the trick, I’ll give it a shot.
I’ve also found articles that promise to give me patience, which will make waiting on hold with an airline or sitting in holiday traffic all the more satisfying. And others that will help me focus and not multi-task all the time. Most of these recommend deep breathing and short meditation sessions, which is perfect because I can cram those in while I’m staring at my taillights.
I’ve got challenges lined up for eating better, for reducing stress and even one that promises to eliminate the amount of hair that grows on my ears. (That one I’m not too sure about, as it does involve diesel fuel.)
Wish me luck in my endeavors as I embrace this world of Internet advice columns and embark on some major challenges. I hope the search for a better me will be fruitful and life-changing. And if not “better,” maybe at least I’ll be more limber, patient, focused and, if I’m lucky, the proud owner of some rockin’ 6-pack abs.