It happens every year. You wait too long to get Christmas gifts for family and friends, and you realize you’re in mortal danger of having to handout rolls of quarters. And thanks to COVID-19, this year it’s even worse. Gift delivery is backed up, shortages abound everywhere and the thought of going to stores sounds both risky, but also like something a Neanderthal might do. I mean, what is this? 2019?!? So, I thought I would share a few simple, last-minute gift ideas, including some that DIY-ers in desperate straits could whip up in a hurry.
• Take an example from the kids and actually make something for loved ones and friends. Try finger-painting portraiture or making a sculpture of Alexander Hamilton out of glued-together macaroni. It works for them, why can’t it work for adults, too?
• Better yet, put the kids to work making gifts for you. They love that kind of stuff. And if you don’t have kids, try the neighbor’s children down the street. They look artsy and in need of something to do.
• Extension cords. I can guarantee that if you give anyone an assortment of indoor and outdoor extension cords in all manner of lengths and duty ratings, plus timers and splitters, they will love you forever. I know this because this past weekend I was outside trying to hook a set of glowing candy canes for the yard into my house Christmas lights. It was a cruel, torturous puzzle as I tried to plug them in using my available extension options: a cord that looked like a rat had gnawed through it and another one that was possibly Army surplus from the Civil War. Worst of all was trying to figure out how to connect a 3-prong plug into a 2-prong timer. I settled on a home-made contraption that involved the rat-gnawed cord, tin foil, a roll of duct tape, a couple of wire hangars and the deep-rooted belief that a higher being would keep it all from electrocuting me. You know, because it’s the holidays! It worked well enough … after I extinguished the minor porch fire. (I blame the way the speed at which it ignited more on termite damage than poor electrical skills.) Still, it did make me realize extension cords would make a great gift. Think of it as “the gift of love AND life.”
• An empty box with a note inside that reads, “The imagination is a POWERFUL THING. What do YOU see in here?”
• Toilet paper.
• If the stores are out, homemade toilet paper. People will admire your ingenuity and marvel at your survival skills. How do you make homemade toilet paper? I have no earthly idea. Try taping together some leaves and tell them complaining while in a pandemic is snooty!
• Offer up your unique knowledge, expertise and advice. For instance: You could explain why you need to subscribe to 15 streaming television services like Disney+, Netflix and all the rest when there are only two shows you actually watch. The answer? No one really knows. But if you work in something about the “gig economy” and how cord-cutters save money by spending more of it, you will look incredibly intelligent AND helpful.
• Love, joy and happiness. An ear to listen when someone needs it. A prayer to help them through the hard times. A little patience and empathy. A kind thought. A smile. Oh, a smile! The most wonderful gift of all. Has there ever been a better time than now? A time when we needed one more? An authentic, Grade A, piping hot smile. Just give them a homemade coupon for one. At the time of their choosing. No strings attached. No purchase necessary. No time limit or manufacturer’s rebate required. Just a genuine Christmas smile. (And some extension cords to keep them from electrocuting themselves!)