So, I’m a teleconferencer now. That’s a thing. A thing I do. How I work. I don’t go in to work anymore, thanks to the coronavirus. Now that Flagler College, where I work, has gone to online classes, staff like me are “commuting” to our home offices where we’ve setup lots of screens, consume tremendous amounts of bandwidth and sit in front of video cameras in our pajamas where we say to other co-workers in pajamas, “So, when was the last time you saw an actual, in-the-flesh human?” or “Do you know how we could make money playing online poker?”
It’s kind of cool and kind of spooky. Kind of high-tech and kind of disorienting. Millions of Americans just like me are now commuting to work on Zoom, Skype, Teams or, for some of the less-technologically-advanced, telegram by Western Union stagecoach.
But in the week I’ve been a teleconferencer, I’ve already learned so much about how to be successful, and I thought I would share some tips with you in case you’re also stuck at home:
• Personal hygiene – It’s very important to keep this up, both for your professional appearance, as well as your pride. Nothing screams “I can’t do this anymore … coronavirus take me now!” than only shaving one side of your face, letting your hair look like it got caught in a blender or getting on a video call with a toothbrush tucked behind your ear. Oh, and shower at least once a week. They haven’t shut the water off, and your smell is starting to wilt the houseplants.
• People can see you … don’t forget that … the whole time you’re on! – There are lots of videos out there showing how people are messing this up. One woman went to the bathroom while on a teleconference. It’s easy to get distracted and forget you’re on camera. Like when your dog scratches on your office door and you scream, “IF YOU DO THAT ONE MORE TIME, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!” Yep, all your co-workers heard that … and they’re instant messaging the ASPCA.
• Your dog will annoy you – Get used to it! This is just in their DNA. They see you at home and they think, “As I recall, he REALLY likes pretzels. I bet if I act like I have rabies or gnaw on his chair, he’ll go get the bag!”
• Follow a routine – This is really important for productivity. For getting into a rhythm, adapting to this new work environment and becoming a more focused worker. I wake up, eat, get dressed in what I would normally wear to work, sit down at the computer with a cup of coffee, repeat to myself three times, “I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!” and then immediately go work on the puzzle of Radio City Music Hall at Christmastime I started a couple days ago. Thanks to these steps, I can go like this for hours! It’s all about setting a routine and following it.
• Don’t freak out when the WIFI goes down – You’re already under stress, adapting to a new situation and your nerves are frayed. You’re one crisis away from running through the neighborhood naked while screaming, “Too many devices beeping at me!” So, if your WIFI goes out, resist the urge to completely snap, strip to your underwear and start throwing things around your office. Remember: People can see you … as your WIFI probably just came back.
• Recognize that people need people – I went to church on Facebook this past Sunday. It was strange. Not because of the service, but because my family and I were sitting around the office, I had a cup of coffee and we were all in loungewear. But I felt a bond with everyone that I didn’t think you could get through high-speed cables or digital transmission. A sense of belonging and togetherness. A need to be together. People typed into the comments that they didn’t feel so alone. It’s incredible how technology – stupid, dumbs-us-down, Kardashian-loving technology – can bring us together when we’re all feeling so isolated, whether it’s work or wherever. So, use it to get better connected, and reach out to those who might also need a little person-to-person interaction.
Good luck all of you brave workers doing the telecommute thing from home. Don’t forget to brush your teeth, and remember that you’re on camera. Don’t throw stuff, go to the bathroom or yell at your dog. Remember: she just wants pretzels!