I don’t believe in “premonitions.” They’re like déjà vu. Science has very rational explanations for them involving nothing more than people being able to see the future or having lived previous lives … no wait … that isn’t it.
Anyway, I don’t believe in premonitions. But if you’re going to have one, my feeling is it should be announced before it happens. Not in the moment.
Like when my wife and I went to IKEA to purchase a sleeper sofa for a loft where we sometimes watch TV, as well as stow visiting family who need to be cordoned off from the normal folk.
This meant a ride up to Jacksonville to get a box that would test the dimensions of our Toyota RAV4. With its pop-up hatchback, it seems like it can haul lots of stuff, but can barely hold a 6-pack of beer.
There are a couple of things in life that make me totally uneasy: poisonous snakes, conversations where you run out of things to say, dental appointments when you just know a cave system has developed in a molar and any transporting of objects too big for my vehicle. (Oddly enough, this doesn’t stop me from TRYING to transport such objects … I just feel anxious about it.)
So, here I was, stuffing a large IKEA box into my car and telling my wife not to worry … because I had a plan … and the fact that it wouldn’t fit, and the hatch wouldn’t close, wasn’t really a problem … because, of course: I had a plan … and tie-down straps!
To the premonition!
Tie-down straps are a wonder. They have strong hooks on either side and ratchets to pull the straps tight. They hook onto anything, including the sturdy metal frame of an open hatch, which can be reached through a little opening in the plastic trim. Tie-down straps are fool-proof, and if not for the fact that pretty much anyone who actually uses them is a fool, they would have solved world peace a long time ago.
Tie-down straps, however, cannot foresee freak occurrences (I’m blaming the strap here, not the operator) like hitting a large bump in a construction zone on the interstate. Such a bump makes a loud sound like something bad has happened with the tie-down. But to the naked eye in the rear view mirror, all will appear perfectly fine.
This will be good because you can then tell your wife, “See? No problem. Tie-down straps are awesome!”
Bring on the premonition!
Only it isn’t perfectly fine. Because when the car hit the bump, the hatch gave just enough slack for the hook to jump off the sturdy metal and onto the rickety plastic trim. This trim is held on by clips designed to give-way in a 1 mph whisper.
At the very moment you are saying, “Don’t worry … I’m practically a professional,” a loud pop will erupt from the back as the hatch jerks open and the flimsy plastic trim is ejected like a rocket out onto the interstate.
“Oh my God!” my wife cried. “This is exactly the premonition I had!”
OK, wait … WHAT!?!?!?
The premonition has been revealed! (And a little late, I would say.)
As I navigated the car to the emergency lane, certain that the intense beating of my heart had broken a couple ribs, I said, “You had a premonition this would happen? And you’re only telling me now!?!”
“I thought you didn’t believe in stuff like that?” she replied, looking out the back at the chunk of plastic that was being run over by other cars.
“Well, I don’t,” I replied, getting ready to climb out to get my wounded plastic. “But I like to consider them on a case-by-case basis.”
“You can’t go out there!” my wife warned me as I opened the door, doom in her voice. “The premonition warned about a car accident!!!”
“Yeah, but don’t you see? I won’t be IN the car,” I said as a semi roared by, sounding like a mountain avalanche. “The premonition is no longer valid. The accident has already occurred. Plus, do you know how many times I’ve had this exact thing happen before. … Stupid tie-down straps!”
With lightning reflexes, I ran into the road to collect my mauled plastic. I re-“secured” my hatch. I returned to my vehicle with three whole years of my life erased from my future. I got us back on the road. Whew!
“Well, your premonition was right about getting injured,” I admitted. “I got this sandspur stuck in my thumb.”
She gasped and said, “I KNEW IT!!!”
I still don’t believe in premonitions … but I did make a mental note to always check on them BEFORE using tie-down straps.