Happy birthday, honey. Don’t worry. I won’t give away your age, except to say that you look more beautiful today than you did when you were 20. Unless of course that’s giving away too much. In which case, when you were 11. Although that sounds a little creepy. So let’s just say you look smokin’ hot, and young not old … I mean … OK, let’s move on.
Anyway, it’s your (age withheld) birthday, and I hope it’s a good one. For my part, I will try not to make too big a mess around the house; I will attempt to do at least one thing you ask (except fold that shirt that’s been sitting on the dresser for weeks — I kind of like it there now); and I’ll do my best to watch the kid to give you a break. (Yes, I know. Watch the kid means don’t let her put the dog in the dishwasher again, and it doesn’t mean two eyes on the TV and one ear on her.)
I want this day to be special and relaxing for you. Yeah, I know, that was a good one. Stop laughing. You’re the parent of a 2-1/2-year-old — the responsible one at that — and it’s not easy to take time for yourself or put away your role as the mother of me, and the child.
Guys have no problem there, I don’t know why. Shoot, sometimes we forget we have kids. We forget we have houses. We forget how to find our way home. It’s a gift, really.
But you all never would. That’s what makes you special, and important. And that’s why you really deserve to take some time and enjoy your special day. You won’t, but you should!
And don’t worry about growing older. It seems our lives reach a point where birthdays are not as much a time to celebrate as a reminder that we’ve been on the road a long time and we’re running out of gas. But forget all of that. It’s hogwash. Our driver’s license might know our age, but we sure don’t have to believe it, or act it.
Since I’m older, but not necessarily wiser, I wanted to share some more birthday advice with you:
• First off, don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t sweat the big stuff. In fact, just don’t sweat. Douse yourself in deodorant. Troubles will come, and troubles will go. But worrying about them won’t hurry them away.
• Age is all in your mind. It’s meaningless. Forget about it. Unless, of course, you live to be the oldest woman in the world. Then you’ll probably feel kind of old for good reason. But you also might get to go on the Today Show.
• If you ever say things like, “Jeez, I can’t believe I’m (age withheld)” or “How did I get so old?” just remember this: You’re still a lot younger than a whole bunch of other people. Plus you’re better-looking and have nice teeth.
• Never think of yourself as old. Think of other people as old, and laugh at them. It’s kind of a cathartic thing.
• Never long for the past. Remember how wonderful and fun it was, sure, but only relish the present. As you recall, we weren’t that smart as younger people, and our sense of fashion has improved immensely. As I recall, you once wore shoes with mirrors on the tips. I don’t even want to say what I used to wear. Age has been good for me.
• Always remember that great Billy Joel line: “Only the good die young.”
So, come on. Celebrate your big day in style, and enjoy it for what it is — just a mile marker on the road of life. Notice it as you pass, but pay it no heed.