The look on my wife’s face was one of disbelief. Not anger. Not disgust. But quiet, solemn, exasperated resignation. Like she knew her husband had a problem — maybe even an addiction! — and wasn’t sure how to approach it.
How could this be?
“I know,” I said, “but it’s just one more.”
There were five remote controls laid out on the coffee table in the living room. Two of them had joined our family in the last week. TWO!
“So, what does that one do?” she asked, pointing to the newest addition.
“That one?” I said. “Oh, that one controls this so we can use that.”
I was proud of my answer. Succinct. Clear. Good use of exposition.
“And what exactly is ‘that?’”
“Oh, you see, that is so we can use this, otherwise we couldn’t.”
I smiled. I showed a lot of teeth. I felt slightly uneasy.
“And why can’t all of ‘this,’” and she kind of waved her fingers around as if performing magic, “be controlled by one remote control?
“Um, actually, you’ll never believe this, but … it can! Except, that would require buying another remote control … a SUPER remote control … and by the look on your face, I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”
My wife is smart. She knows when she’s been bested. Or when her patience just won’t go any further.
She walked off shaking her head, and I could have sworn I heard her mutter something to the effect of, “I have lost my husband.”
How could this be?
It’s all because I’ve taken the plunge into Internet television — an experiment to see how the waters are, and if the prospects of one day cutting ties to cable look promising. I have a special little box that picks up WIFI in the house and streams movies and shows to my TV straight from the Internet. It required new cables and switches and connections and for all I know a new satellite positioned over South Georgia that I’m somehow paying for in monthly installments. I’m not totally sure.
I have learned all kinds of fascinating things along the way. Most of it is wrong, or misinformation, or information I have misunderstood, or that will be outdated and obsolete within the hour. Technology moves pretty quickly, no matter how many remote controls you have.
But I’m streaming, baby, and I have the remote controls to prove it. FIVE of them! (And that’s not counting the remote control app I downloaded to my iPad. I haven’t told my wife about that one.)
The sheer amount of programming and content available through the control of those magic wands (and my iPad) is simply incredible. So incredible that the other night I became so frustrated by the infinite options and selections that I simply gave up. I went upstairs and read a biography of George Washington.
“You’re a great strategist, George,” I said to the book. “Is there a remote that can help make picking shows easier? And if so, got any good ideas on selling it to my wife? She won’t be happy about it.”