It is smoothie time in my house. Morning. Lunch. Afternoon. Not that I’m complaining.
It is the result of a new blender. A good blender. One that doesn’t sound like a rock crusher that has thrown a belt. That was the old one. Loud. Tedious. Troubled. It made smoothies with the consistency of a fruit cocktail. Once I sprained my face trying to suck a mango chunk through a straw.
So I bought us a new one. I didn’t know what I was unleashing.
It’s a good one. Powerful. With multiple sets of blades that chop and dice and pulverize. Smoothies come out smooth, and rescue personnel don’t show up at my house after neighbors hear what they thought was a rock slide.
I haven’t sprained my face once.
My wife is amazed at the ease. How quick it is now. How she doesn’t have to jam a wooden spoon into the pitcher to dislodge large frozen chunks of this and that while yelling, “Come on!” or things my daughter isn’t allowed to say at school.
“I never knew it could be like this,” she said, as if her eyes had been opened to a new reality. As if nothing would ever be the same. As if she had discovered the meaning of life, and it was all about easy, efficient smoothie making. Who knew?
Now this smoothie-making “awakening” has spawned grand experimentation in my house. It’s like a smoothie innovation test center in the kitchen. Or a Frankenstein-esque mad scientist’s lab. Lighting sparks and people scream, “Throw in the radish!” It’s all in the name of adding more good stuff to our diets. So all manner of fruits and vegetables are being tested and tried to see if they go together. First it was carrots with strawberries, bananas and orange juice.
Now it has moved on to more exotic combinations — spinach, beats, mint, flax seed powder, blueberries. I think they might have used a squash that looked like Gerald Ford.
I get texts at work about successes — “This one is glorious!!!:)” — and failures — “Tomato, pineapple and kale! OMG. What was I thinking? Fumes overwhelming. Ate hole in granite countertop. HAZMAT team on the way. May have to sell house. :{>>>” (That’s the emoticon for throwing up.)
My daughter is even dreaming up summer smoothies, and good ones. She comes up with cool names like “Hawaii Ocean Breeze.” As the quest for the healthiest smoothie continues, I’m getting asked more unusual “research and development” questions like: how many horse power is the blender? Can it chop up tree bark? Do I know where we can get Patagonian palm seeds? Is Scandinavian river dirt — which is good for the pores! — readily available online?
I don’t know where it’s going next, but I’ve even been told that the blender will be traveling with us on vacation. I think it will be getting a name soon, too. Maybe it’s own seat at the table. Never did I imagine one little purchase could spawn all of this. But as long as they keep tasting good, I’m not complaining. (We’ll see what happens when the Scandinavian river dirt comes in.)