May my daughter not see this. It is mid-September. By my count, at least three months from the holidays. Yet, there is a study out from CreditCards.com that says 14 percent of consumers have already started Christmas shopping. Yes, that means nearly 32 million Americans are buying gifts … in SEPTEMBER!!!
I’m aghast. For a couple of reasons. First, it’s still technically summer. And I haven’t finished Christmas shopping … from last year.
Then there’s my real concern: the damage it could do to my household. Once upon a time, my daughter was only exposed to toys that advertisers could sneak into commercials she didn’t skip on DVR. Or maybe a catalog that arrived in the mail. Or a toy she saw at a friend’s house. It was limited. Controlled. Filtered. Restrained.
But now she’s almost 10, wired into the world and incredibly capable of searching online for toys like some kind of high tech bloodhound. With that power at her fingertips, I can’t afford (financially or from a mental sanity standpoint) the wave of requests that could begin this far out.
If she learns that millions of Americans are already acting on Christmas wish lists, I’ll be doomed. I’ll never hear the end of it. That child will ramp up her holiday team — she has two mystery shoppers, an adviser and a toy tester on retainer — and I will spend the next three months discussing the finer points of Playmobil snowmobiles or why she should get an iPod that lets her text.
“I should have one for safety, dad. What if I’m ever attacked by a Sasquatch. Do you really want your only daughter to become a Sasquatch snack because you wouldn’t buy her an iPod? Speaking of which … I’ve heard the iWatch has an app that repels them.”
I’m not ready. I’m not prepared for the mental trauma — the avalanche of requests. Lists will litter my desk at home. They’ll be taped to my computer. I’ll be shown YouTube videos of happy kids playing with this or launching that. “Look at the joy on their faces,” she’ll say. “Don’t you want your ONLY daughter to experience such ‘joy’?”
And she’ll smile. A smile with lots of teeth. One of them will sparkle, like in the movies. I’ll think it’s cute, but I’ll also think she has mastered some mind trick or just robbed a bank.
It’s only September, people. The pumpkin spice lattes are only now starting to show up. The weather here in Florida can still melt the elastic in your underwear. There are still skid marks on my credit card from last Christmas.
It’s early — far too early to start unleashing the gift list avalanche. So, take a break America. Let those credit cards rest, at least until October.