I have just returned from New York City, fresh from a College Media Convention. I helped administer an awards contest for college journalists. I slept in a room not much larger than a concrete block. I drank enough coffee to reclassify my genetic makeup. I ate enough black and white cookies to reclassify my genetic makeup. And along the way, I learned several practical, personal and spiritual lessons about traveling — the kind that only a city like The Big Apple can teach you.
• When you’re in a hotel, and you’ve waited A LONG TIME for an elevator, don’t just assume when the doors open you’re on the right floor. Take the time to look at the number BEFORE you hop off screaming, “FINALLY!” Because it may only be the 20th floor … and you’re on the 43rd! Also, remember that when you’re embarrassed, hot and now really frustrated, you’re likely to repeat it all over again when it stops on the 35th floor. And at that rate, you’ll never get back to your room.
• If you repeat the former lesson more than three times, go back to bed!
• If a friend tells you it will only take 20 minutes and an easy subway transfer to get from Midtown to Brooklyn for dinner, know that your friend is a liar and immediately report him to authorities. He’s also probably running an illegal gambling racket. “Oh yeah, it will take no time,” he said. Only the E train wasn’t running, and I had to take the D to the F, which took me to Uptown Mongolia. There I needed a special shuttle to transfer to the next subway … and nearly stepped in poop! If a friend puts you in a situation where you almost step in Uptown Mongolian dog poop, he’s not a friend.
• If a former student who works at the Wall Street Journal offers to show you the newsroom and give you a tour, be professional, courteous, quiet and respectful. And even if you love journalism, don’t break down in tears and start screaming, “It’s just so beautiful!” when she walks you by the wall of Pulitzer Prizes. Yes, it’s the Holy Grail of journalism, but you don’t want to hear: “Uh, could someone call security?”
• If your family goes along with you and they go to see an exhibit of “Star Wars” costumes, characters and weapons while you’re sitting in a cold conference room, don’t break down into tears and start screaming, “It’s just so beautiful!” when they text you a picture of BB-8. It will also get security called.
• Most of all, remember this: New York City is wonderful. Traveling is wonderful. But there is no place like home. Even if there aren’t any Pulitzer’s or BB-8s there.