Here is what the Merriam-Webster Dictionary has to say about the word “ready:” “prepared to do something;” “available for use;” “prepared mentally or physically for some experience or action.”
Yep, exactly how I understood it.
And then the definition I didn’t realize existed. The one that made it clear that it wasn’t our beloved children who fail to understand the meaning of the word. No, no, in fact it was us — the parents, the old folks, the ones who haven’t spent time in elementary school honing our legal skills in vocabulary class, diligently studying the meaning of words to one day use against us.
For there, at the bottom of the list, sat the most eye-opening, the most startling, the most infuriating definition of “ready.”
It said: “Almost about to do something.”
Golly gee willikers! As a parent of almost 9 years I realized what a fool I had been. Because when I’ve screamed, “Child! If you are not READY for school in five minutes I am going to threaten something horrible and awful that I will never follow through on,” I only IMPLIED that she needed to be ALMOST ABOUT to go. And technically she was … even if her teeth weren’t brushed, and her hair wasn’t combed, and breakfast wasn’t eaten, and come to think of it … SHE WAS STILL IN BED!!!
What a fool! What fools we’ve all been. We try to wield the English language to our advantage without fully understanding it. We’ve been duped by children, and have no one to blame but ourselves.
I’m “almost about” to get mad at myself.
But this explains a lot, and what we parents have been wrestling with for centuries: A failure to communicate what WE think “ready” means.
Not to mention the failure to understand the mind of a kid. I don’t know that our little ones are overtly obstinate. Truth is, most of them honestly believe they have super powers, especially when it comes to getting “ready.” That they can go down to the wire — fiddle and futz around until the very last second — then somehow manage to accomplish 16 complex tasks microseconds before walking out the door.
I remember being like that. Always thinking I had all the time in the world, and that I could literally freeze the clock, extending my Legos playing time before school. Because I commanded special galactic powers! I could stretch those seconds to infinity. I could wait until the third call for breakfast, or the eighth call to get in the car for school, before I got dressed, or brushed my teeth, or finished that 200-page book I hadn’t started.
It must have been a child who came up with the saying “all in good time.” And it certainly was a child who submitted that “almost about to do something” definition to the editors of Merriam-Webster. Although, it probably took him a couple of years to get around to it.