Is my will to get the kid to bed greater than the kid’s will to stay out of bed?
That’s the age-old question, isn’t it?
Question? Ha! Wrestling match. I was wrestling with it the other night. My wife was out, and I was on bedtime duty. Failing!
“Please go start getting ready for bed so when your mother comes home she doesn’t think I’m an incompetent swallowtail buffoon.”
I said this after I told my daughter to turn off the TV. At least twice. Maybe 15 times.
“Fine,” she said. Not angry. Just resigned.
She clicked it off. I was impressed. I’m a dad with superpowers. Kid just listened to me! I’m a commanding presence. Should have been a general with tanks and troops.
Then she followed me upstairs … Huh?
“Child, what are you doing!?!” I asked.
“Following you upstairs,” was the answer. Ask a stupid question …
“No, no. See, WHY are you following me upstairs? I asked you to go get ready for bed … downstairs … where YOUR stuff is.”
But I made a tactical error: I asked it as we kept walking … up the stairs.
When we reached the top she answered: “I don’t know.”
I’m a swallow-tail buffoon!
“Go downstairs and get ready before your mother comes home and decides to auction us off on eBay!”
“Fine,” she said. Matter-of-fact.
She marched off. Down the stairs. I’m not incompetent. It just takes a little time to get my message across. Get this kid to see that I’m not monkeying around. That I mean … What’s that sound? What’s that …
“Child!” I called out, “why is the TV back on when you’re supposed to be getting ready? ARE YOU WATCHING TV!!!”
Sweet butterbeans! I would have been FIRED as a general. They would have taken away my tanks.
“Fine,” I heard a little voice call out.
I hurried. I got changed.
“I’m coming down there!” I yelled as I moved.
I come down there. There was a kid in pajamas sprawled out on the sofa. She looked like was doing yoga. Fell-out-of-a-tree pose. While watching TV! There were clothes strewn across the living room floor.
“What the …? Who …? Why … why are your clothes all over the place?”
“Oh. I changed them in front of the TV. See? I’m ready.”
She smiled. Ta-daaa!
“But child, you’re not ready, see? You still have to brush your teeth. Wash your parts. Put your clothes away. Get into bed. You’re not even CLOSE to ready. See? Your … mother … is … coming … home!”
“Fine.”
Is my will to get the kid to bed greater than the kid’s will to stay out of bed?
Or am I just an incompetent swallowtail buffoon?
I figured I would wait on my wife to come home and decide. Fine!