Years – Page 18 – Nutshellcity.com

2019 Nutshells, Family

Hey mom: A few ground rules for calling at work

May 9, 2019 No Comments

Dear mom,

First off, happy Mother’s Day! Wow, it’s been 46 years and you’re still there for me, continuing to “parent” me and tell me when to put my napkin in my lap or how to properly chew my food. Am I the luckiest son in the world, or what?

Anyway, I wanted to say I’m sorry I got mad at you for calling me this week … at work … in the middle of the day. It’s just that it’s work, and it was the middle of the day, and I recognize that there are emergencies when you need to call me, but I just didn’t feel that a bird flying into your house and perching itself on the fireplace qualified.

Why? Well, for starters, you left the screen door open. That was just a pure invitation to neighborhood wildlife that they had every right to come in and take a look around. Secondly, the bird willingly flew back out, causing no damage, inflicting no violence on your or your cats and generally breaking no laws, aside from trespassing, which most lawyers will tell you is going to be exceedingly hard to prove in court.

2019 Nutshells, Family, Parenthood and Children

Coming to terms with a daughter’s ear adornment

May 1, 2019 No Comments

She brushed her hair back in a flourish … over her ear. Something glimmered. And sparkled.

Gasp! Are those …

I do notice things, even though I’m just an oblivious male, the type of species that has gone hours before recognizing its own body parts are on fire. Hey! It was easy to miss. There was a basketball game one!

But I had noticed this.

Are those … Are Those … ARE THOSE … EARRINGS!?!

2019 Nutshells, Childhood, Parenthood and Children, Running

Days of track and field … and the dangers that came with it

April 24, 2019 No Comments

How the memories came flooding back in. There we were, at a middle school track meet. The first for my daughter since joining her school’s team.

If you’ve never participated in a track meet then you’ve missed out on one of life’s unforgettable experiences. It is also the closest thing to war that most of us will ever see. There are super sharp javelins flying in every direction. There is constant gunfire from starter pistols. People are always running for their lives or rolling around on the ground in agony … sometimes with javelins sticking out of their ribs. And coaches sound like brave generals giving poetic and inspirational talks that basically revolve around: “If you’re gonna’ die, then today is a great day to do it.”

WHAT?!? Die?!? I’m running one time around the track, coach! What the heck are you talking about?

2019 Nutshells, Animals, Houses, yards and projects

The great porch cat infestation

April 10, 2019 No Comments

Great! Porch cats! Oh man, how in the world did it come to this?

When our good neighbor passed away last year, her two cats, who had themselves adopted her years before, went in search of a new place to eat and lay their heads at night. Porch cats are funny like that: Kind of nomadic. Never bitter or too down about their luck. Resourceful and enterprising. Unfazed and upbeat.

Most of all, they can always spot a sucker.

Exhibit A: My front porch.

I have my daughter to thank for this. A lot of people left food out. Offered to help. Pitched in.
That’s what neighborhoods do. They pull together and help those in need. They take each other in, and care for everyone. Porch cats included.

2019 Nutshells, Getting old ... er ... older, Houses, yards and projects

The all-over creaky, sore funk

April 3, 2019 No Comments

Sore. So … sore. Not pain. Pain is more specific. It signals injury. That you hurt one thing, in one specific place. It’s isolated. But not sore. Sore is everywhere. Sore is kind of a … creaky funk? An all-over malaise. An affliction. A general misery.

Sore is … well … sore is getting older.

This occurred to me the other day as I bent over to pick up a piece of trash outside my office. Thanks to gravity, I had no trouble getting down there. But as I faced the prospect of standing back up, my body creaked and groaned like a diesel-belching steam shovel. “OWWCHHHH!” I moaned as I got back to my feet. It must have been terrifying because two college students observing this whole episode in the hallway stared in horror. “Are you ok?” they asked. I think they nearly ran to get a defibrillator. Or maybe a shovel, figuring it was better to whack me over the head, put me out of my misery and bury me in the back parking lot.

2019 Nutshells

A failed multitasker’s search for focus

March 27, 2019 No Comments

I got excited when I heard the webinar instructor mention that only 2 percent of the population could be considered this: super multitaskers. Doesn’t it sound cool? Super troopers. Superman. Superstar. Super duper. Superfluous.

But “super multitasker?” Now, that would be truly special!

And maybe I was one.

He was about to give us a quiz that would test our ability to multitask. He said no one he had come across yet fell into that category of amazing people, but maybe today would be the day. “Yeah, maybe today,” I thought. “Maybe I’m the Golden Multitasker!”

2019 Nutshells, Florida, Weather

The positives of pollen season

March 20, 2019 No Comments

Ah, pollen season. That special time of year when the glorious temperatures that we Floridians finally get to experience are ruined by a rain of tiny particles that clog our eyes, stuff up our lungs and generally cover the world in a thick film of yellow crud. Thanks, flowers! But pollen provides many benefits, and I’m not just talking about the very necessary pollination effect, which I would describe in great scientific detail … if I had any clue what that was.

So, instead I want to expound upon the virtues of pollen season by offering some of the many important upsides that come with the so-called “pollenpocalypse.”

• It gives you the chance to try out a yellow car.

2019 Nutshells, Family, Florida, Running

Liberating running … or a bunch of idiots lost in a swamp?

March 13, 2019 No Comments

“Did you get good grades in college?” my daughter asked. “I don’t mean any offense, but here you are, this accomplished guy. You go to conferences in New York. You win awards. You have a good job. But you did these really dumb things like swam across marshes … in your running shoes … without a phone … without a coach … with a guy who almost drowned! So, I mean …”

Well, that certainly didn’t go as intended.

I had been trying to explain the joy of running. And more importantly, running long distances. How it’s freeing. And fun. And when you run with really adventurous (stupid) people – like I did in college – it becomes an experience you can later tell at the dinner table … where your daughter will question your IQ.

2019 Nutshells, Parenthood and Children, Technology

The dreaded power cord spaghetti complex

March 6, 2019 No Comments

Will somebody please save me from this cord heck I’m drowning in?!?

I say “heck,” and nothing more serious, because I recognize this is a first world problem – not a pandemic or a natural disaster, or even a minor-grade disaster, like missing trash day.

This is the stuff of developed nations and a people who no longer need to hunt and gather. Whose only real issues stem from words like “mortgage” and “upgrade.” I’m trying to put it all in perspective. But it’s not easy.

I realized this the other day when I heard my daughter call out from her room: “Dad …
can you charge my Kindle?”

2019 Nutshells, Florida, Houses, yards and projects

The (creepy) butterfly watcher

February 27, 2019 No Comments

I was standing in my front yard, staring up at the side of my house, oblivious to how warm it was. Oblivious to my surroundings. Oblivious to my former neighbor who was calling out to me: “It’s still there, you know,” he said.

“Huh?” I asked, slightly dazed. “What’s still there?”

“Whatever you’re looking at. It’s still there.”

Yep, it was confirmed, and official: I looked like a crazy man. And maybe I had gone crazy, because what he said made no sense. What I was looking at WASN’T still there. It had moved. I couldn’t find it anymore. Gone!

A caterpillar. For crying out loud, I was looking for a giant caterpillar.